Thursday, March 26, 2009

Superhero Smackdown Rd. 1 - Metropolis Region

I'm writing this for CC2k but they're dragging their feet about getting it up so I thought I'd go ahead and post it here for those few of you who read this blog. I've been hinting at this for a couple of weeks now and I'm ready to stop teasing you.

Super Hero Smackdown
Metropolis Region
Round 1 Recap

In honor of March Madness this year, I have decided to give my greek brethren and sistren a special tournament of their very own. This year, in a 64 hero smackdown to end all smackdowns, RedBeard will bring to you the answer to the question that has plagued mankind since the 1940s; Who is the greatest superhero of all time? The tournament will pit the DC Universe's greatest heroes versus the Marvel Universe's greatest heroes. In the interest of fairness, I've allowed one hero each from the Dark Horse and Wildstorm universes. The winners of the Wildstorm and Dark Horse play-in tournaments were Elijah Snow (Planetary) and The Goon. Elijah Snow will occupy the final 16th seed in the Gotham Region and The Goon will occupy the final 16th seed in the Kirby Region. I spent hours coming up with the list of heroes and trying to assign to them the proper seeding. If you take issue with my estimations, great! Let's debate them! And I encourage all of you out there to build your own brackets and hold your own tournaments as well! So let's get started! First up, we have a recap of the first round of the Metropolis Region.

1. Superman vs. 16. Starfire - Okay, this isn't really a contest at all. Starfire would give it her all for about five minutes before she realized that her powers, which redirect ultraviolet light into flight and energy bolts, were just making Superman stronger. I mean seriously, can you think of a worse idea than blasting the Man of Steel with ultraviolet energy blasts? I didn't think so. Winner - Superman

8. Big Barda vs. 9. Wonder Girl (Cassie Sandsmark) -
Cassie's powers are certainly coming along nicely and nobody could argue that the girl hasn't grown as a warrior and a hero over the last few years. But she didn't grow up in Granny Goodness's orphanage, she didn't somehow escape Apokolips, she didn't manage to master the corrupting technology of the Mega-Rod, and she wasn't trained in combat by the nastiest of Darkseid's warriors. In short, she ain't Big Barda. The battle would be long and bloody, epic even, but in the end Barda's experience and her tenacity would overpower Wonder Girl. Winner - Big Barda

5. Lex Luthor vs. 12. Hawkman -
Give me a frakkin' break. This is a no brainer. Lex Luthor is the greatest criminal mind to ever lace up the boots of a green and purple powersuit. Hawkman is...god, does anyone actually know what Hawkman is? I mean, even DC editorial can't seem to figure it out most of the time. Look, I'll make this simple for you. Nth Metal can do a whole lot of things, but what it apparently cannot do is resist the one thing that trumps all metal; magnets. That's right, Luthor beats Hawkman with a giant damn magnet. Got a problem with that? Winner - Lex Luthor

4. Martian Manhunter vs. 13. Blue Beetle (Ted Kord) - If we're talking Blue Beetle, we're talking Ted Kord. Kord was a brilliant mind and a man of true courage, but I'm just not sure he could stand off against someone like the Martian Manhunter. You could argue that J'onn J'onzz is more powerful than every hero on Earth not from the planet Krypton. That's not to say this battle wouldn't be interesting. Kord is smart enough to exploit MM's vulnerability to fire, but considering that on more than one occasion we've seen J'onn overcome this weakness, I think he goes on to win this match-up. Winner - Martian Manhunter

6. Supergirl vs. 11. The Atom (Ray Palmer) - This may be the most intriguing battle in the entire first round of the Metropolis Region. The Atom is one of Earth's greatest and most enduring heroes. Ray Palmer's scientific mind is rivaled only by that of Superman's greatest foes, Brainiac and Lex Luthor. Indeed, it is his ability to understand and manipulate the universe that led Ray to a stint as a cosmic guardian of the Multiverse. The Atom's ability to shrink to sub-atomic levels gives him a host of abilities that he could employ against Kara. But it wouldn't be enough. Perhaps former incarnations of Supergirl would be overwhelmed by such an experienced foe, but not the new and improved Kara Zor-El, protector of Earth and champion of New Krypton. The confidence and clarity that Kara has found in the most recent pages of Supergirl represents a leap forward for the character that was a long time coming. She is a warrior of New Krypton and Ray Palmer, as powerful as he is, would not be able to overcome her. Winner - Supergirl

3. Superboy vs. 14. Black Canary -
I love Black Canary as much as the next guy, maybe more, but she's not beating Superboy in a fight. Not ever. Winner - Superboy

7. Brainiac vs. 10. Mary Marvel - This battle would level cities...or maybe just shrink them. Mary Marvel is stronger now than she has ever been. She would level the total might of that power against Brainiac and he would flinch at the awesomeness of it. The Power of Shazam is one of the strongest gifts in the entire universe, but Brainiac exists to control and catalouge those type gifts. In his most recent incarnation, Brainiac almost killed Superman. Marvy Marvel would fight valiantly, she would no doubt wound the 12th Level Intellectual, but in the end his ability to bruise her body and control her mind would prove too overwhelming. Winner - Brainiac

2. Wonder Woman vs. 15. Mr. Terrific (Michael Holt) -
Michael Holt is the third smartest man in the world. His inventions and his complete invisibility to technological surveillance make him a crafty and difficult foe. But you need more than gadgets and smarts to beat a goddess. Mr. Terrific would give her a surprisingly tough match-up, but in the end Wonder Woman would prevail. After all, the third smartest man in the world is still just a man. Winner - Wonder Woman

That's the end of the first round of the Metropolis Region. Not a lot of surprises, but that's to be expected when you've got Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter, and the Super Family in your bracket. I promise that the next few rounds will reveal a few shocking upsets. We'll do the first round of the Marvel regions, the Stan Lee Region, later today.

Don't forget to make and fill out your own brackets!

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